OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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