I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
