my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
