Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
