But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm passing your future prison.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
