Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
