Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
