first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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