be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
