Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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