you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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