I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
