Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This toilet bowl is my home.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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