I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
