So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
