She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
