you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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