He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
