If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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