So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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