okay pat passed out under dana's car
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
