just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
