Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
