Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
