Whod you bang
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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