Do you still have your period?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
