the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
