So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
