okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
