you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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