woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
