Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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