Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
