remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
