I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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