Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
