just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
