Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just forgot I was standing up.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
