Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it glows. i had to have it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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