you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
