tell your sister to shave her snatch
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
