I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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