Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
