Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
