like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
