I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
