If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
