Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
