You can't motorboat a personality
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
