winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
