Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
