How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
