youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do vagina's smell?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
