Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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