i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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