he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
