i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
